Since 2009, across a wide range of personal and professional circumstances, I have spent a significant amount of time thinking and feeling about dying.  It is important to clarify that I say this anchored in the personal belief that having these thoughts is entirely different than wanting or moving intentionally in the direction of death.   I would extend that even fantasizing about dying may be a lot more about fatigue and craving liberation from suffering.  Recognizing these distinctions and supporting a person and his/her loved ones to navigate these kinds of thoughts and feelings is ~not~ the domain of a speech-language pathologist.  I do believe that being able to ~communicate~ thoughts and feelings about dying, thereby reaching/accessing those with the expertise to process that information appropriately, is.

That can be tricky on it’s own.  Persons who need to hear this information include (but is not limited to):

– loved ones and caregivers,

– physicians and health care providers who need to enact medical directives for what constitutes a person’s wishes about what happens to her or his life,

– legal counsel to prepare appropriate documentation in support of decisions,

– persons with expertise navigating complex mental/emotional landscapes (such as social workers, psychologists, and end-of-life doulas).

– spiritual and/or faith-based counsel.

For persons who rely on means other than speech, all of this can be overwhelmingly challenging and emotional.   It may require going through someone that the person would otherwise not wish to be present for those conversations, or relying on someone else’s interpretation and commitment to follow through, or using a ‘voice’ which bears little resemblance to the personality and tone the person would consider their own.  It may be tedious and error-prone in spelling things out, literally, letter by letter.   For all of these reasons, a speech-language pathologist invested in palliative care and end-of-life conversations can have a critical role.

Self-care as that speech-language pathologist is equally vital.

This is a combination of resources that have informed my own world view about these matters, but I do not mean to imply that I have the best or only view; and I absolutely believe that choosing to engage in the life of a person who is actively dying should be done very mindfully.

• There are many , many resources at Health Journeys that I have found meaningful, including Healthful Sleep, preparing for surgical procedures, easing the suffering the comes with experiences of loss, coming to terms with events outside of personal control, peaceful dying, and in support of caregivers.  I imagine there are other providers of these kinds of guided imagery, affirmations, and meditative music — I like this one, but I do not have a relationship with them or profit in any way from their use.
• I experienced the movie Stranger Than Fiction as having profound messages about life and death, with both tender and entertaining points.  The scene between Will Ferrel and Dustin Hoffman talking about coming to terms with death is incredibly beautiful.
• Maurice Sendak talked openly about his thought process leading into his death.  My favorite is the illustrated Fresh Air talk, and the last interview he ever gave touches on being present as well as reflective.
• There have been a number of TED talks that review death and dying.
• AudioDharma has a three-part series on Dying in the Dharma.
• The Transformative  Power of Crisis by Dr. Robert Alter and Jane Alter discusses a variety of topics that impact a person’s life, including death.
• The documentary Rivers and Tides, and learning about Andy Goldsworthy’s work generally, for-sure changed my life in all matters of how I regard time and experience.  This clip cuts off at an unfortunate point (right before he says something  deeply poetic), but still illustrates a connectivity that I believe in.

For now, I will close — I imagine this collection will continue to evolve and grow though.

End blip.